A One Page "Guide" to Investing in the Stock Market
By Baldous Gates
Uploaded August 28, 2026

Note: I wanted to write a simple guide for retail investors to help them avoid some of the pitfalls that I've encountered while investing. But then, I realized I'm not a financial professional and not qualified to give any kind of financial advice. So, I ended up writing this "guide," containing some of my general thoughts and opinions on "investing." It is best viewed with a font that fits the entire document into a single page.

1. When I first began looking for good stocks to invest in, my methodology involved picking companies with cool names or with fun, roller coaster charts. After losing some money, I decided to take things more seriously and learn more about the markets. When starting out, it may be best to start with small sums.

2. Reading is fundamental to learning more about our financial system and economics in general. If you're like me, you may start sweating at the thought of reading a massive book. Fear not as online video clips are also a good source for learning about investing.

3. It is important to keep a list of stocks you find interesting and keep track of them. You may begin to see numbers and patterns floating in the air. There is no need to worry, as long as you remember to check in with a doctor. You may also start to feel a sense of paranoia about the markets being rigged. The paranoia is also nothing to worry about because the markets really are rigged.

4. I've noticed that whenever I sell a stock, the share price will immediately go up. That is why I try to hold onto stocks for as long as possible, even though their price keeps going down until I sell. I've also noticed that stock prices will immediately drop as soon as I buy them. Therefore, the wisest investing strategy may be to avoid selling, holding, or buying stocks, if possible.

5. When trying to time the markets, I've learned that it's better to be early than late. However, I'm always late for some reason, so I've learned that I always need to be earlier than I think I need to be. It's important to note that being very early has the same effect as being very late.

6. Some studies suggest that even venture capitalists get 95% of their investments wrong. Given that even the most savvy investors succeed only 5% of the time, it may be easier for us to just invest in funds that track the S&P 500. However, to invest that way and have enough for retirement, a lot of time is needed to accumulate wealth. Unfortunately, I learned this lesson too late. Does anyone have a time machine? I'd also go for an app that allows me to send messages to my past self.

7. I try to understand where the economy is going by paying attention to what the professional analysts are saying. It's possible each analyst will have a different take on the economy, and each take will be diametrically opposed by another take. That's why I tend to listen to what they have to say but also ignore them at the same time.

8. When faced with steep losses, I find myself tempted to smash my keyboard, raise my arms, and ask the universe why. I then remember that the universe doesn't revolve around me. Therefore, it may make more sense for me to be happy with what I've got rather than ask the universe for more.

9. Despite the stock market going up and up, people seem to be getting sadder, angrier, and nuttier. Perhaps, we should invest in things that make people happy rather than things that make money. After all, humanism is the philosophical foundation for the original theory of capitalism. Why are you laughing?

10. If I can keep a roof over my head and food on the table, it might be best to just invest in myself and others around me so that we can live our best lives. I then realize I need money to keep a roof over my head and food on the table so I get back to looking for my next investment opportunity.

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